It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There
by lukedanesloverr
Summary: JJ. Chris comes back just when Luke and Lorelai are getting started. This story takes place in season three.
1. In the Same Place

Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There 

Disclaimer: Nope, I still do not own the show or the characters or anything.

Author's Note: Based on episodes 2.09 - Run Away, Little Boy / 3.01 - Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days

* * *

My vision is blurred as the tears cling to my eyelashes. I blink, and they softly trickle down my cheeks.

I feel defenseless, exposed, as I sit here, susceptible to any hurt he wishes to bring upon me. I know it, he knows it.

I stare down at the coffee I have been nursing, and wrap my hands around the warm ceramic mug. My skin tingles at the feel of a tear's landing.

My shoulders shudder as I try to ease my breath, I inhale deeply, and then sigh, finally confessing, "Chris is gonna have a baby with his girlfriend." The words hang in the still air, killing the deafening silence. "He's gonna marry her... and he's gonna be there for her while she's pregnant and he's gonna be there with her while her child grows up, and he's gonna be there for her while she does... whatever it is she does." I pause for a moment, admitting to myself and to Luke, "And I am in exactly the same place that I was in before."

Despite his current anger towards me, Luke lifts his head from his pad of paper, and manages to mumble, "Is that so bad? I mean, you got Rory."

I smile weakly, "Yes, I do."

"You got friends, you got a house, a job, apparently an iron stomach."

"No, it's not so bad. I'm lucky, I know. I just... I feel like I'm never gonna have it... the whole package, you know? That person, that couple life, and I swear, I hate admitting it because I fancy myself Wonder Woman, but... I really want it - the _whole_ package." A barely audible sob escapes from within my throat. I shake my head and scoff, disgusted by my current state; needing comfort from someone I least deserve it from.

I'm out of my body for a moment, as I watch his actions. My lips slowly part and my eyebrows furrow in confusion, as Luke makes his way around the counter, slowly, and takes a seat on the stool next to me. When he speaks, I realize his voice has softened, "You'll get it."

I speak just as softly, "How do you know?"

"I know."

"_How_ do you know?"

"Because I know, okay? I know."

I look down, slowly picking at the frosting on my donut, not really in the mood to eat. I stare blankly, lost in my own thoughts, before I lift my head and turn to him, "Are you good at dating?"

His forehead wrinkles from the change in conversation, "What?"

"Dating, do you have that down?"

He looks down, staring at his hands in his lap. His eyes wander deep in thought before he looks up at me, "Well, I don't know if I have it down. Considering I live with my nephew, I'd say probably not."

I smirk at that, and then admit, "I don't have it down either. I've never been very good at it really. I've never even really liked it. Too much 'what if'. I like things I can count on."

I notice a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, "Why are you telling me this?"

I smile half-heartedly and sigh, realizing the randomness of the conversation. I look back down at the counter, "Because there aren't many people I can count on. I don't - I don't have very many people in my life who are _in_ my life... permanently... forever. They will always be there for me, I will always be there for them, you know? There's Rory, and Sookie, and this town and... you." I shrug my shoulders, "I mean... at least I think I've got-"

"You do." I lift my head at his words, and then I see it. The crazy, irrational look that exists, there, in his eyes. His gaze is soft, resembling that of a vulnerable child's. He's no longer an irritable diner owner.

With our knees barely touching and our faces only inches apart, I feel my eyelids growing heavy. His sensual presence begins to overpower me.

I somehow manage to respond, "Good", the word leaves my lips in a whisper.

He leans cautiously closer to me, his gaze dropping to my lips. My eyes scan his angular features, his chiseled jaw and cheek bones, before I reach my hand out and gently grasp his.

The moments pass, and he continues to lean closer. His eyes meet mine again, almost uncertainly, like asking for permission. I answer his undoubted want, and lightly brush my lips against his, causing an electric buzz to pass through my body.

It wasn't like I ever imagined, kissing Luke. His lips pressed against mine so delicately, so timidly, for a moment I wondered if I was just imagining it all.

I break the kiss, remaining only millimeters away. His warm breath lingers on my lips, and my eyes flutter shut as he returns a tender kiss, soft and sensual. His gentleness is unexpected, as his hand caresses my cheek, causing my muscles to loosen under his touch.

We break apart, trying to regulate our breath. Desire flows back to me in an instant as I stare into the fathomless passion in his eyes. I capture his lips again, urgently, forcefully. A soft moan escapes from deep within me at the satisfaction of his tongue skimming over mine.

We stand simultaneously, and I link my arms around his neck. We break for air, only for a moment, before my mind overflows with lust as he pulls me into an explosive kiss.

His hands slip under my shirt, and I gasp at the feel of his skin brushing against my bare stomach. His hands make their way to the small of my back, my shirt bunched beneath my breasts.

I want to feel every inch of him upon me, inside of me, I want to touch all of him.

All because of a crazy, irrational look that exists in his eyes.

* * *

TBC 


	2. Curiosity and Desire

Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There 

Disclaimer: Nope, I still do not own the show or the characters or anything.

Author's Note: Takes place during episode 3.02 - Haunted Leg

* * *

He pushes me against the counter and brings his body flush to mine.

I grab hold of his forearms to steady myself, sighing as he grazes a kiss along my jawline, and then down my neck. I knock his cap off and run my fingers through his hair as our lips reconnect in a fiery kiss.

My breath hitches at the feel of his thumbs brushing over my breasts. He pulls away, resting his forehead against mine, speaking jaggedly, "Can we do this?"

I answer breathlessly, without hesitation, "Yes."

"Do you want to do thi-"

"Yes." I recapture his lips in my own as I tug urgently at the collar of his flannel, ready to label him a mind-reader.

He clumsily leads me towards the curtain, his hands tangled in my hair.

- - -

I don't know what caused me to awake, perhaps it was the sudden stray of light shining through his apartment window. I blink my eyes continuously, trying to regain a clear focus. I brush away the few strands of hair that are covering my eyes, and then I look down. I find his arm wrapped around my mid-section, and I feel my bare back leaning against his chest.

I turn my head slightly, taking in the sight of his sleeping face. I allow myself to take in his scent, but only for a moment.

I carefully reach my hand to his, and pull away from him, wrapping a sheet around my body as I climb out of his bed. I begin to lift my clothes off the floor, pants - one shirt - one sock - one shoe at a time.

I soon after emerge from his bathroom, fully clothed, and I steal a last glance at him before heading home.

I shut the front door softly behind me, leaning my back against it. I close my eyes, remembering every kiss, every touch, every motion. I feel a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth - and then I turn still.

I silently panic at the sound of Rory's alarm clock going off. My eyes widen and my body immediately stiffens, like standing this way will somehow make me invisible. After a moment's hesitation, I rush up the stairs and jump in bed, pulling the covers up to my neck. I turn my back to the bedroom door, quiety waiting for her to enter the room.

Moments later, I hear her soft voice, "Mom?" I don't respond right away. "Mom?"

"Hm?", I unleash my Academy Award winning-worthy acting skills as I groggily turn to face her.

"What time did you come home last night? I was up 'til like eleven waiting for you."

I rub my hand across my forehead, "I know, I'm sorry, there was this _thing_ at the inn... some meeting. And it ran a little late... Sookie and I stayed to clean up. I'm sorry Hon."

She shakes her head, "Oh, no, it's fine. I was just a little worried."

I put my hands to my heart in a dramatic fashion, "Oh, that is _so sweet_."

"I said _a little_." she smirks, "Alright, I'm gonna go take a shower." she yells to me from the hallway, "Hurry up! We can't be late!"

- - -

I sit at the kitchen table in a daze, patiently waiting for her to get ready. I've been stirring my coffee for the last ten minutes, just stirring and stirring, lost completely in my own thoughts. My Luke-thoughts.

I feel guilty lying to her, but I don't want to freak her out. Not on her first day of school. I'll wait until she comes home, and then I'll tell her the truth. I'll explain that 'working late at the inn' is just another expression for 'spending the night at Luke's'.

I dread telling her, though. I'm afraid of what she'll say.

But, mostly, I dread seeing him again. I'm afraid of what he'll say.

I can't explain why I did what I did. At least, not in a technical way. It's hard for even me to believe it. To believe that six years of sexual tension were just dangling in the front of my face, mocking me, teasing me... The best way to describe it; I just wanted to. Curiosity, desire, I'm not sure what. I just wanted to.

I hope he knows that I'm not regretting anything, that lastnight wasn't just to fill my loneliness. I hope he puts his mind-reading abilities to good use.

I am pulled away from my thoughts when Rory enters the room, almost mistaking her for Flo Jo. I smile, knowing this is just her normal first-day-of-school routine. She speaks, almost out of breath, "Okay, we have exactly thirty three minutes to stop for breakfast and then head to Chilton."

I nod my head, "Got it."

She motions for me to move, "Let's go... up, up, up... I'm forgetting something... what am I forgetting?"

"You're backpack?"

She turns to see her backpack on the bed, "Right. Can't forget that."

"That'd be bad."

She pulls her bag over her shoulders and we begin to walk out the door, "So, no Luke's?"

I turn to face her, "What?"

"I'm assuming things aren't resolved between the two of you yet?"

I relax, realizing that she's talking about the 'fight'. "Oh, right. No, no they're not."

She nods, "Weston's?"

"Sounds good."

I watch her as we walk down the steps, saddened by the fact that this is her last first day of highschool. I almost wish I could rewind the past three years, just to relive them again.

I watch her, and I study the way her forehead wrinkles in dissapointment, frustration. I assume she's thinking the same as me, but then she speaks, just before I turn on the ignition, "Do you plan on resolving anything soon?"

"What?"

"With Luke."

And then I realize, again, just how much _my_ life is _her _life. I look down, fumbling with the keys in my hands, "I don't know. I hope so." She nods, smiling weakly, and I feel that all-too-familiar gust of guilt knocking me over.

* * *

I prop my elbows on the table, resting my chin in my hands, "Mom, tell me – why did you ask me to lunch?"

My mother replies like the answer is obvious, "Because I wanted to spend some time alone with my daughter."

I raise an eyebrow at her, "Mom."

"Well, Rory drops by after school every now and then, so we see _her_ alone."

"Mom."

"But we never see you alone... unless Rory leaves the room for a second, and even then you try to go with her. If I had a nickel for every time you've used the 'Girls always go to the bathroom together, Mom' line, I'd be a very rich woman."

"You _are_ a very rich woman. Mom, please, is this really a 'me and you' lunch? No hidden agenda?"

"Of course not." she looks at me as if that's such a crazy accusation.

"Okay, fine."

All of the 'getting along with my mother' happy feelings are blown away in an instant.

She mentions speaking to Christopher. And she emphasizes the fact that she thinks we're _right _together, he and Sherry are _wrong _together... all the while I'm sitting there thinking the exact opposite. I used to wish that Chris and I were like Stan and Darcy, _used to_ being the key phrase.

But I can't say that, and I can't act like that, because then it seems like I don't care about what he did to Rory and I.

I have to pretend that this is the easiest solution. His girlfriend is pregnant - He needs to stay with her. I can't tell her the rest of the interference. It took an hour to convince her to have lunch at _Al's Pancake Roll_ instead of _Luke's_. I wasn't about to admit anything to her.

Immediately after walking out on my mother, I make my way to the diner. Something erupts inside of me, just the thought of Chris leaving Sherry makes my stomach flip. I need to straighten things out with Luke before dealing with my mother, or Chris for that matter.

I see his head lift at the sound of the bells ringing. I see him swallow the obvious lump in his throat, and I see him shift in his stance at the sight of me walking towards him. I'm freaking the hell out of him, I know it.

* * *

TBC 


	3. Natural Accusation

Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There 

Disclaimer: Nope, I still do not own the show or the characters or anything.

Author's Note: The chapter takes place during episode 3.02 - Haunted Leg. Some lines are from the episode

* * *

What's amazing is my ignorance towards the fact that I have no prepared dialogue for Luke, and am, in other words, speechless.

I approach the counter, and we spend an abnormal amount of time just standing there, silently. I notice Kirk giving a strange look in our direction, and I quickly try to break the silence, "Uh - we should probably... can we-"

"Ice." he interrupts me.

"Ice?" I cock my head to the side and silently question his sanity.

"In the back." He motions towards the storage room, "You said you needed ice."

I quickly catch on, "Oh, right. Yes, I did say that."

Kirk feels the need to chime in, "Taylor has plenty of ice at Doose's."

"No, Kirk, I need..." I look at Luke for assistance.

"She needs special ice." he assures Kirk.

"Right," my eyebrows furrow, "special ice."

"Dry ice." he adds.

"Exactly. Dry ice. So, excuse us."

Kirk looks at us suspiciously as we make our way to the storage room.

I look around the room, avoiding his gaze, and I continue the conversation which seems to be leading nowhere, "And why do I need dry ice?"

"For all that meat you plan on sending to your cousins in Florida."

"Ah, I almost forgot." I try my best to force a smile, but I'm certain he can see right through me. I pull my sweater tighter around me, out of a need for comfort I suppose, "Is it even legal to have dry ice just laying in here?"

He shoves his hands deep in his pockets, "I don't think it's possible."

"Right, because then you'd need some big freezer and gloves and... warning signs with big, yellow, blinking lights..." I close my eyes in embarrassment, "I'm completely incoherent right now, I realize that, I'm just... overwhelmed."

"Well, just... relax." I subconsciously wince at the feel of his hand patting my arm. It doesn't go unnoticed, I realize, when his expression suddenly changes.

I advert my gaze to the floor and cross my arms, "You act like that's such an easy thing to do."

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable or... weird around me..."

"No, I think this situation calls for a bit of awkwardness, don't you? I mean, we slept together." He doesn't say anything, which causes me to raise an eyebrow, "Me and you... we slept together..."

"I remember."

"Well, maybe you could acknowledge that... it's probably the first step..."

He looks at me uncertainly, "I'm really not sure what you want me to say... right now."

I sigh and look up at him, "Luke..."

"What? Do you want me to say 'forget it ever happened'?" He looks down and shrugs, "Okay, forget it, if that's what you want."

"What? No, I-"

"You were upset over Christopher. I shouldn't have - we weren't thinking."

"No, that's not-"

"I mean, either that or you were just lying to yourself, pretending you were over him. I don't know..."

"Luke-"

His voice is bitter, "Which is it?"

"Luke, you are _so_ far off here."

"Am I?"

"Yes!"

"Well, if you want to say something important rather than list the precautions of dry ice, then say it!"

I narrow my eyes at him, "What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? I don't know... what's wrong with me? You came here last night expecting me to feel sympathy for you... well, congratulations, you managed to do that... and then you just leave this morning withou-"

"I had to get home! I had a daughter who was worried _sick _about me last night!"

He doesn't say anything at that, he just sighs and looks down at the floor.

My eyes begin to sting with tears, but I refuse to let them emerge. "Luke... Luke what are you thinking?" I move closer to him, my voice becoming soft, "Talk to me."

He doesn't lift his head, "Why did you come here last night?"

I try my best to keep my voice steady, "Why are you asking me that? Do you really think I came here for sex?" He looks up at me, but doesn't say anything. "Yeah, that's really me, Luke..." I shake my head and stare at the ground, "I _don't_ want to forget about last night. I came here under the impression that you felt the same way, but obviously that's not the case." I meet his eyes again, "So, now that I've made a complete fool out of myself, you can laugh as I leave." I push past him and make my way to the door.

"Lorelai-"

"I'll talk to you later."

* * *

Aside from the fact that Kirk asked me out, my life seems free of any problems. Wait, scratch that. Aside from the fact that Kirk asked me out, _and_ Luke hates me, _and _I am now sitting in my mother's livingroom, my life seems free of any problems.

Apparently the maid doesn't know the difference between an oven bell and a doorbell, that causes my mother to be a little tense. Which, I must admit, is always fun to watch. Sarah, the discombobulated maid, enters the room, "Dinner is ready!"

My mother rolls her eyes, "Sarah?"

"Yeah?"

"I told you we eat dinner at seven. And right now, it's six-thirty. Therefore, one could conclude that maybe it's just a tad early for dinner."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I-"

"We want to eat at seven!"

"But the food's ready now."

She throws her arms in the air, "Okay, never mind, we'll eat." she turns to Rory and I, "Up, up, let's go... It's fine. It's better - then we can all be in bed by nine. Go on, sit down."

I take my seat across from Rory and turn to my mother, "_What_ is going on?"

She stirs in her seat, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about you and you're Miss Minchin act."

"Your father made a crack the other day about my not being able to keep a maid."

"Seems like a very natural accusation."

"It most certainly is not."

"It most certainly is not, not... certainly..."

"What are you blabbing about?"

"I don't know, just ignore me."

Sarah re-enters the room with some plates, "Okay, so salad?"

My mother nods her head, "Thank you, Sarah."

Rory and I share a confused look at the sound of the doorbell ringing. Sarah walks away with the salad plates still in her hands, "Oops, doorbell."

I'm passing my mother her much-needed glass of wine, when Christopher walks in the room.

I'm shocked into stillness and at a loss for words, "What are you doing here?"

"You won't return my calls!"

I get up from my seat and lead him to the hallway, "You have to go."

"No, I'm not leaving until we talk!" he cuts in front of me before I can open the front door, "Why won't you call me back?"

"Chris, there couldn't be a worse time to have this conversation."

"Really? Because it seems to be the _only_ time to have this conversation!"

"Just go home, _please_. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Yeah, I believe that..."

"Hey, I've never lied to you. There's no reason to doubt my word."

"Forty-five unreturned phone calls isn't a reason?"

"I'm not discussing this with you _here, _in my mother's house."

He just continues, "You shutting me out like this is wrong. And you keeping Rory from me... I never thought you'd do that, Lor."

My eyes widen in shock from the accusation, "I'm not keeping Rory from you."

"Then why hasn't she called me back, huh? No matter where you and I have been in our lives, my daughter has _always called me back_ - until now."

"Chris-" I stop mid-sentence when Rory appears from behind me, "I didn't call you back because I didn't want to! _Me _- Mom had nothing to do with it!" I notice the tears brimming her eyes, "You promised me! You promised me at Sookie's wedding that this was going to _work_, that you were going to be there. You promised me!"

He reaches his hand out to her, but she backs away. "Honey, please understand-"

"No! I always understand, and I don't want to understand! Just... go be somebody else's dad!"

His voice is shaking, "Don't say that."

Rory turns to face me, "I'm going upstairs. Call me when he's gone."

"I'm gonna go talk to her." I put my arm in front of him, "No, you need to leave, right now."

"This isn't right. She needs her father."

"I know she needs her father, I've been telling her she needs her father! But she feels like her father bailed on her, and she's mad and she's hurt-"

"Do you think I like this situation?"

"Oh, God..."

"Do you? I mean, after what you and I had going and now-"

"What do you want me to say, Chris?! We're not meant for each other!"

"That's not true."

"Chris, do you hear yourself right now? Sherry is pregnant! You're getting married, you're starting a life with her... you have no right to be here! God, what do you want from me?!"

"I just - I don't like how things are!"

"Well, I can't change that! There's Sherry and there's Luke and-"

"What? Luke-"

I lift my head, revealing the tears rolling down my cheeks, "Just, please, get out."

"Lor-"

I feel my body trembling as my words come out in a whisper, "Get out."

* * *

Rory and I are walking down the sidewalk, "Honey, he loves you so much, he didn't mean to mess-"

"No, he never means to, but he does. And I don't care what he says or does, I'm not going to his wedding."

"You don't have to."

"Good."

"But you might, at a later point in your life, when you're not so angry and you make up with your dad, as we both know you will, you might be sorry you missed it."

"It's the wrong wedding."

I look down at the sidewalk, "No, I don't think so."

"Mom, you waited for him for so long, you can't be over him. I know you better than that."

"No... I think I am." I lift my head and stare in the direction of the diner. The lights are off. He must be upstairs.

Rory notices my staring and quips, "What, have you suddenly fallen madly in love with Luke?" Our pace begins to slow down as I remain silent. She turns to face me, her eyes widen, "Mom..."

I look straight at her, my voice is barely audible, "Rory, I-"

"Lorelai!" I turn to see Kirk calling me from down the street, "Lorelai!"

"Uh, Hon, why don't you run into Doose's and pick up a few things, you know, since dinner sucked and all."

The same expression remains on her face, "Uh, yeah, sure."

I force a smile on my face as he walks towards me, "Hey, Kirk."

"Lorelai, I know you haven't made up your mind yet, and I'm not here for an answer. I just need to know – are you allergic to tuna?"

I look at him, very confused, "Uh, no."

"No, good. Thank you very much."

He is about to walk away when I stop him, "Uh, Kirk, I have made up my mind."

"You have?"

"Yeah."

"Already?"

"Yes."

"And it's fully formed?"

"Yes, it is."

"You don't need any other information?"

"No, I don't."

"'Cause I could have my mother call you if –"

"Totally unnecessary."

"Okay, well, then, go ahead."

"I just... there's this guy... who - well, we're not in a relationship... at all, but we need to work some things out. And I'm just not fully over the shock of what's going on. And I never wanna hurt you because you're my friend and I like you, but I have to say no... I'm sorry."

"Do I know the man who is after your heart?"

"... No, I don't think so."

He nods, "Well, good luck to him." He turns to walk away, but then stops, "Oh, just for any similar future situations, was the tuna inquiry too personal?"

"Oh, no, I thought it was very thoughtful."

"Good to know. Well, goodnight Lorelai."

"Goodnight Kirk."

* * *

TBC 


	4. A New Discovery

Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There

Disclaimer: Nope, I still do not own the show or the characters or anything.

Author's Note: Chapter takes place during episode 3.03 - Application Anxiety / no lines are taken from episode

* * *

I want to kill the little weasel for confronting her in Doose's. 

I concernly watch Rory as she takes the food out of the bag, pounding each frozen box on the kitchen table. Her forehead is wrinkled, and her cheeks are flushed with anger. I listen closely, and recognize the shaking pain in her voice, it's like she's straining herself in order to not breakdown in tears. "I wasn't obligated to call him! I mean, I was busy in Washington with... with _things_! And-"

I round the table to pick up the beefaroni that landed on the floor, and then put my arms in front of her, blocking her reach, "Okay, that's it... back away from the bag."

"What?"

"You're massacring the pizza rolls!"

She rubs her hand across her forehead, "I know. I'm sorry, I'm just... aggravated."

"Well, don't take it out on the pizza rolls. We like them. They keep us happy and fed, and while they may not be the most healthy little things in the world they certainly - Whoa, Honey..." I'm caught off guard when I see her quivering lip, the tears glazing and reddening her eyes, "Rory..."

She brushes away the few tears and shakes her head, "No, no I'm fine... I just - I need to stop thinking about this. About _him_. I'm with Dean... completely. I don't care about Jess."

I place my hand on her arm, "You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. It's just... Dad... and Jess..."

"Hon..."

She shakes her head, dismissing any further discussion, "Let's just get these in the oven."

I speak softly, "Alright."

I hate that she allows herself to get upset over Jess. There's something very Sebastian Valmont about him. I don't trust him. Not to mention, he's completely ungrateful to Luke, treating him like a pile of garbage.

It's funny. Somehow, it seems, my thoughts always manage to travel back to Luke.

"Hey, Mom?"

And then, I remember, with a subtle pang of guilt, that I still haven't told Rory. "Yeah?"

"Do we have any more of that easy cheese stuff?"

"Uh, I dunno - go check."

I'll tell her later.

* * *

I'm sitting on the couch the same way I have been for the past hour and a half. 

Rory left just as long ago, to help Lane finalize her ad for a new band member. She emphasized that this is her last weekend going _anywhere_, until her Harvard application is completely filled out. The poor kid really needs to get her priorities straight...

So while Rory is out with Lane, galavanting along the dangerous streets of Star's Hollow, I'm just sulking in my loneliness. The only show on tv that is even remotely interesting is _E! __True Hollywood Story: __Christina Aguilera_. The only problem is, I've seen it more times than I can count.

I've flipped through every one of my magazines three times, which only makes me more depressed when I realize just how beautiful Gisele Bundchen really is. I slump down on the couch and I notice that, even from the livingroom, I can hear the faucet leaking in the kitchen. I make a mental note to call Luke about that. And then I make a mental note to get a reality check.

I furrow my eyebrows at the sound of a car door slamming shut, and moments later, I hear a loud knock at the door.

I call out, "I don't want any!"

And then I hear a second knock. I sigh as I get up from the couch, "I'll have you know, that I have recently been promoted to Head of Research Department of CCCAF, and I do not appreciate you're distur- Luke." I stand there with a ridiculously pathetic expression on my face, for what seems like forever, before I somehow manage to regain my speech, "... Hi."

He shifts uncomfortably in his stance, "Hey, um - you busy?"

I open the door wider, "No, no, come in." and shut it behind Luke. "Do you want something to drink?"

"No thanks."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"I have water... tea..."

"I'm fine, really."

"Alright."

"Dare I ask, what's CCCAF?"

"Oh..." I shake my head at my earlier quip, "Clooney Caused Cardiac Arrest."

"Ah."

"Yeah..." I advert my gaze and slip my hands into my jean pockets.

I watch him out of the corner of my eye, as his eyes travel around the room, before they meet mine again. "So, uh - where's Rory?"

"She's at Lane's."

He nods his head, and the second awkward silence rises. He then turns to face me, "It's nice out."

"Yeah. It is... nice out." I lamely respond. I then sigh and look up at him, with an embarrassed look on my face, "Can I _please_ get you something to drink? I feel stupid just standing here."

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's not _your _fault-"

"No, I'm sorry about yesterday. About what I said..."

I look down and shuffle my feet, "Oh."

"I didn't mean any of it... I didn't mean to-"

"Luke... it's fine. I-" I look back up at him, catching his gaze. His eyes are filled with a fathomless longing, which only increases my crave for him. He steps closer towards me, our eyes never tearing apart. I speak softly, almost begging, "Please don't look at me like that." the intensity of his gaze burns through me.

My name leaves his lips in a jagged whisper, as his face is inches away from mine in a sudden motion. An almost inaudible gasp escapes from my lungs at the realization of our closeness.

My skin tingles beneath the feel of his hand on my cheek. I become short-winded as he steps closer, and closer. I can almost feel the heat penetrating from his body.

And then my eyes flutter shut, and I feel his light breath on my lips. Flashes of that night replay in my memory, every pant and breath and sigh fills my mind, as I force myself to push away the sudden desire to have my way with him, again.

The forcing is no use, I realize, when I capture his lips in my own, reaching my hand to the nape of his neck.

He immediately draws me into him, sliding into the kiss without a moment's hesitation. The kiss becomes heated and urgent, as I moan deeply against his mouth, my hand now working at the top button of his flannel.

I sweep the flannel off his shoulders, and begin to lift his t-shirt, damn Luke and his layers.

I'm almost whining at how long it's taking to feel his skin against mine. His palms are flat against my bare back, as I press my breasts into his chest, gasping at the burning feel. I gently grip his elbows, leading him backwards towards the staircase.

I bunny-hop once, before linking my legs securely around his waist. His baseball cap lands on the ground in the midst of my roaming hands. I softly tug at the small curls in his hair, as I skim my tongue against his. Every muscle in my body weakens under his touch, his presence has me under a trance.

I break away, panting heavily, and I lovingly kiss his shoulder and neck, tracing the muscles of his back as he carries me up the stairs.

- - -

- Rory's point of view -

I sigh at the feel of a light autumn breeze sweeping past me. I make my way up the front steps, protectively holding a copy of the band's ad in my hand, and enter the house - where I stop dead in my tracks at the sight of a blue flannel shirt and baseball cap on the ground, accompanied by my mother's black laced bra.

I close my eyes in an instant, afraid of what else I may find in the livingroom of our house. I hear silence, which I thank God for, and then I rush out of the house, shutting the door behind me.

I pace the front porch, back and forth, muttering under my breath, "Oh, my God... oh, my _God_..."

I then run in the safe direction of Lane's house - where I lightly bump into Jess.

He points in the opposite direction, "I believe the finish line is that way..."

I turn around and give him the most disturbed and disgusted, "Ew! Ugh!"

"Excuse me?"

"That's so gross!"

He looks at me as if I'm crazy, but I continue to run.

* * *

TBC 

litizreal: Thanks for the review, and I plan on updating more frequently now. I just had a lot going on (and a little bit of writer's block) but I'm back on track, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

flirtswithdisaster: It's funny, you are _almost_ always the first reviewer I get for each chapter - in each story! LOL. Thanks a bunch! I can always depend on your feedback. :) Did you have a nice Christmas?

lukenlorelai4life: Yes, I plan on making Luke and Lorelai a 'romantic, passionate, intimate couple' LOL. I enjoy your enthusiasm! And I promise to update sooner for now on (I'll try my best) thanks for reviewing!

minor-thing _and _GilmoreObsession: I really wanted to get the fight between Lorelai, Chris, and Rory in there, so I took some lines from the episode, and the Kirk thing was more of a filler, but the rest of the chapters will lack any writing from the original episodes. I'm just trying to stick to the season three storyline, so I don't have to be like; A/N: Jess never existed. You know? I'm going to try to fit everybody in, even if they only have minor parts and I'm also going to include _some _major bits of the storyline. Okay, that being said, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thank you for your reviews LOL. :)

Nubes: There will be more Luke and Lorelai action in this next chapter LOL. Thanks for the review!

coffeebean2007: haha, don't worry about the spelling. Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you like the story so far.

LukeNLorelai637 _and_ Steph89 _and_ Jennifer Collins: Thanks for the reviews, guys. :)


	5. Hoping, Wondering

Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

- Lorelai's point of view - 

He gently drops me on the bed, and brings his lips to my stomach. I close my eyes, sighing softly at the feel of his hot breath on my skin. His lips make their way up my body, over my breasts, and then he lifts his head, locking his eyes in mine. His expression changes, like he's noticing for the first time, that it's me lying beneath him.

He drops his head and closes his eyes, whispering, "This is crazy."

I lean forward and cup his face in my hands, pressing my lips to his forehead, "No, it's not."

He opens his eyes. I scan his face, reading that vulnerable expression, again. I don't want to touch him. I'm afraid he'll break. And I don't want to speak, for the fear of my voice shattering him into a million pieces. I settle for a soft whisper, looking straight into his eyes, "I know it doesn't make any sense... I know it's scary as hell and I know it seems crazy, but it's not." I pause for a moment, never tearing my eyes away from his, and then I speak, and I admit, "I've spent the last six years of my life wondering and hoping - and now it's finally here, and I want this. I want to be with you."

I listen, only hearing the faint sound of my breath hitting the air. I don't feel any regret or bashfulness, I only feel the truth finally being let out. And the biggest wave of relief flows through my body as I suddenly hear my own moan filling the silence of the room, and I realize his tongue has slipped between my parted lips. He kisses me with every ounce of passion inside of him, and it hits me for the first time, just how hard I've fallen for Luke.

* * *

It's three hours later, and I'm sitting at my kitchen table - missing him already. 

I'm in a daze as I sit with my chin resting in my hand, listening to the sound of my spoon stirring and stirring.

It takes a splash of the hot liquid to burn my skin, in order for me to come back to planet Earth.

I hope Babette doesn't come over for any reason. It's written on my face - just how fabulous sex with Luke was - sex with Luke for the second time. Then again, maybe she should come over, it would give the town something to talk about. Something _worth_ talking about.

I lift my head at the sound of the front door opening, for a second I think that I may have just telepathically brought Babette here. But then Rory enters the room.

I'm shocked into stillness - literally wondering if she can read my mind, wondering if she knows that I'm hiding something.

I force a casual smile, "Hey, Hon."

She stops a foot away from the table, and folds her arms across her chest, "Hey."

"Did the ad turn out alright? I know Lane gets a little OCD when it comes to the band."

"Yeah, I guess." I immediately notice the bitterness in her voice.

"... Everything okay?"

"No, not really."

I pause for a moment, almost afraid to speak, "Is it about Jess?"

"No, Mom, it's not about Jess. Jess didn't do anything wrong. You don't have to always assume that it's Jess!"

I'm taken aback by her outburst, and cautiously ask, "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

She doesn't say anything.

"Rory, Hon, why don't you sit down?"

"I'm going to bed." She is about to walk into her bedroom, but stops when I get up.

"Rory, what's wrong?" she stays silent, and then barely shakes her head. "Rory..."

She won't look at me, not even in my direction. I walk towards her and she backs away, staring at the ground, "I can't believe you didn't tell me about Luke."

My eyes slightly widen, "How did you-"

"I mean, I tell you everything. I told you what happened at Sookie's wedding - which I was completely judged for, by the way... and you don't even have the decency to tell me you're with Luke! I have to come home to a _Sex and the City_ scene!"

"You were here earlier?"

She whips her head up, "Yes!"

"Rory-"

"Why wouldn't you tell me?!"

"I was_ going to_. I just - I didn't know how-"

"I'm going on and on about how Dad should be with you, and how he should be sorry, and all the while you're with Luke!"

"It's not like that."

"I mean, I thought you were still fighting about the accident - never mind sleeping together!"

"I _know_ I should have told you-"

"Yeah, you should have!"

"Okay, Honey, calm down."

"No! I'm sick of being lied to like some idiot five-year-old!"

"I didn't lie to you."

"You told me that you and Luke weren't even speaking!"

"We weren't!"

"You're lying!"

"No, I'm not. We weren't speaking, Rory. And then - he came over today and-"

"You hadn't talked to him in four months and just decided to jump him?"

"Hey!"

"Well, that's what it sounds like!"

I drop my head and shuffle my feet, speaking softly, "I was with him the other night... Wednesday night."

I notice a drop in her volume, but the same bitterness remains in her tone, "I thought - I thought you wanted to be with Dad?"

"I did, just - not now - not anymore."

"Well, does Luke know?"

"He knows everything."

"And he's not at all concerned that you were just with Dad?"

"No... no, I don't think he is."

"You don't think he is?"

I lift my head, making eye contact with her, "Rory, what do you want me to say? It happened! Okay - I slept with Luke. Your father is with someone else. I'm with someone else... it just _happened_."

"So, you're just with Luke because you're mad that Dad is with Sherry." she wrongly concludes.

"No!"

"Then tell me what the hell is going on!"

I'm surprised to the hear the shaking in my own voice, "I'm with Luke because he's there for me. I'm finally happy, Rory. After all the hell that went on over the summer, and the past couple of weeks - I'm finally happy. He cares about me, he cares about you, he always has. He's the most selfless person I've ever known - and we both want this."

She adverts her gaze to floor, "I'm not - I'm not mad that you and Luke are... together. I just wish you would have told me sooner. You know... so I didn't have to come home to _that_."

I smile weakly, placing a hand on her shoulder, "I promise, anymore life-changing events - you'll be the first to know."

"You promise?"

"With every ounce of my being..."

"Okay."

"So - um, this 'that' you are referring to... how bad was it?"

"Nothing that was able to cause any permanent damage."

"That's good to know."

She nods and then looks up, "So, does the FBI know about you? Because you'd be perfect for the job."

"That's exactly what I was telling Luke..."

* * *

The End? 

I honestly have no storyline planned out. Just - please, tell me what you think. I don't want to bore you guys with the same old story, so it may be best to end it here. I'm open to any suggestions. :)

-

lynndaly: Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you're liking the story.

lemon-scented candles _and_ aliciums8187 _and_ Steph89: Yeah, I tried to make that situation funny so it wouldn't seem _too _awkward.

You've Got Wings Baby: Oh, yeah, some good drama. LOL Thanks for the review. :)

flirtswithdisaster: You predicted correctly, congratulations! P.S.- I've yet to complete the season six DVD. I just can't watch the second half - it's too depressing. Anyway, I had a nice Christmas, but now I'm back in school and I'm exhausted and can't wait for the weekend. It's so far away :(

rollsdownhill: It's okay, I have a tendency to leave long reviews too - It's appreciated, thanks. Anyway, I know what you mean about the whole 'writing in the character's point of view' thing. I've read a few stories where they are just what you said; crap. So, I'm working hard to make the story seem realistic and well-written, you know? It can get annoying when an author writes Lorelai's thoughts and they're completely out of character... Again, thanks for the review. :)

minor-thing: Yeah, it's hard to complain about Luke and Lorelai having sex. ;) And I've put in more of an effort to include Rory. I've noticed that some of my past stories hardly include her, which kind of goes against the whole gilmore _girls_ thing LOL. I don't know, even on the show I'm beginning to just not care about what's going on with her. I think it's because the whole Logan thing is getting too repetitive. She's better to watch in the earlier seasons - back when the show was happy... (tear) it's so depressing now. I'm kind of just going on and on right now... thanks for the review LOL.


	6. Needing Someone

Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There 

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

Rory and I sit comfortably on the livingroom floor with our backs leaning against the couch, which is occupied by Luke. My lips curve into a smile when I feel his hands playing with my hair, and my skin tingles beneath the feel of his fingers brushing against my neck. Even the slightest touch makes me feel like I'm on a different plane, almost superhuman, like this moment is the only moment occurring in the world.

I can't explain why his presence still effects me this way. Or why I could never get tired of touching him. In truth, it's the first time I have ever felt like this, about anyone.

It scares me in a way, needing someone this much. I've always been alright on my own, but the thought of living life without Luke scares the hell out of me. He's my savior, my friend, my rock. These past three months have flown by so quickly, and I wonder why it took so long to get here. Being with Luke makes me happier than I've ever been.

I want to stay here, planted to this spot, but the aching empty feeling in my stomach forces me to get up.

He eyes me strangely as I walk in the direction of the kitchen, and then he calls after me, "Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna go look for some food."

"With hopes that something new to eat with materialize in your empty fridge that you have _repeatedly_ searched through?"

Rory chimes in, "You said it, Luke."

I turn back to face them, "Yes?"

"Lorelai, I told you I would bring food over. You said-"

"I said, 'No, we have plenty of leftovers', but what I didn't realize is just how _old_ those leftovers are."

He sighs, "Do you want me to get some food back at the diner?"

"No. No, I'll find something edible in that kitchen. Don't you worry."

Rory turns to face him, "This could get dangerous. Keep the phone nearby, you know, in case of an emergency."

I narrow my eyes as he lifts his hand, revealing he is already gripping the telephone tightly, "One step ahead of 'ya."

- Rory's point of view -

A smile tugs at my lips as I turn back to face the television. My eyes stay focused on the screen as I wait for Luke's predictable reaction.

"Ah, jeez."

I giggle, "Luke, this is _Gladiator_, without the blood and guts it wouldn't even be worth watching."

Mom yells from the kitchen, "Except for Joaquin's devilishly sexy performance!"

I nod my head, "He delivers one of movie history's greatest lines in this film."

"Really?" he states sarcastically.

We then hear a glass-shattering shriek erupt from the kitchen, "Am I not merciful?!"

Luke looks down at me, "What the hell..."

I simply state, "That was the line."

"I don't want to know what goes on in this house when I'm not here."

"We choreograph a dance for every song in _Dirty Dancing_."

"You're probably nuts for that Johnny Wayze guy."

I let out a chuckle, "You mean Patrick Swayze?"

"Right, him."

"Oh, yes, we've had our share of Crazy for Swayze nights."

We both lift our heads at the sound of the phone ringing.

"Should I get it?"

"Luke, I thought you said you understood the Movie Night rules."

"Sorry, I forgot."

"Just let the machine get it."

The phone starts ringing, and Mom's voice fills the room, "Heaven, God speaking... leave a message after the beep."

Luke shakes his head and mutters, "Crazy lady."

Mom yells from the kitchen, "I heard that!"

I smile and continue to listen for the message.

Nothing could have prepared me for the awkward silence that filled the room after Dad's voice left the answering machine.

* * *

TBC stay tuned. 


	7. Pride and Spite

Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There 

A/N: This chapter starts off with the message from Chris.

* * *

_"Hey, Lor, it's me... again." _

I immediately lift my head in the direction of the foyer, within seconds Mom appears, and she slowly walks towards the answering machine. She bites her lip nervously as she refrains herself from looking up at Luke. I return my attention to Dad's message, _"I know you're mad, I know you feel like I bailed on you - I understand that. I get it. But ignoring me isn't the solution. It's just not, and I'm done being ignored. I deserve the chance to explain myself. This isn't right.__" _

I take notice in Luke's concentrated expression as he listens intently,_ "You can't just shut me out of your life like this. I miss you, I miss Rory..." _there is a long pause, and then his voice emerges once again, _"I'm not with Sherry anymore. I don't know if that means anything to you but - you're the reason why. The both of you are. Please... just call me back." _

My eyes advert back and forth from Mom to Luke to Mom - Neither of them are saying anything, and I struggle to think of something to break the silence. This is the first phone call from him in a while, and this one really made an affect.

I try to remember what had taken place before the phone call. I then speak cautiously as I direct a suggestion to no one in particular, "Um, maybe we should just order something from _Al's._"

Mom looks over to me and quickly nods, "Yeah, yeah that's a good idea. Do you want to go in the kitchen and make a list?"

As much as I want to be by Mom's side as she explains everything to Luke, I know that she needs to do this on her own. I hesitate before nodding and agreeing, and then I quickly make my way to the kitchen.

- Lorelai's point of view -

I wait until Rory leaves the room, and then I take a seat beside Luke on the couch. He sighs and looks straight ahead, waiting for me to speak. I make sure to choose my words carefully, speaking softly, "Luke, this isn't something you have to be concerned about or - or waste your time thinking about. That message sounds a lot more... 'loaded' than it really is."

There is a sarcastic tone in his voice, "Really..."

"He was just... talking. Speaking totally for himself. There's nothing going on. I haven't been-"

He turns to face me, shaking his head, "Lorelai, I'm not accusing you of anything."

I fall silent for a moment, and then look up at him, "I know. I just - I don't want that to be a possibilty."

"I trust you." he lowers his head to look into my eyes, "I do."

I just smile softly. He returns a smile, it fades as he looks down at his hands, "But you're gonna have to help me, you know, to trust _him_. 'Cause I'm not so sure I can do that."

I nod, "That's understandable."

"I'm - I'm only gonna ask this once; are there any feelings that are... left over for him? I know we jumped into this relationshi-"

"No. I'm with _you_. Completely."

"Alright." he turns his head forward again and nods, "Alright."

* * *

After Luke left, I called Chris back. I agreed that he could come by this morning.

In all honesty, I have been planning to get in touch with him. I've been trying to prepare dialouge and I've been trying to forgive him for making a promise he couldn't keep - but at the same time, I've been trying to satisfy Luke. That sounded dirty, and the dirty things count too, but I mean trying to satisfy him in every aspect of our relationship. Having Chris leave a message like that isn't meant to bring a smile to Luke's face. I know he said he trusted me. I know he seemed okay with everything, but I can't help but have my doubts.

I am pulled away from my thoughts when I hear a knock at the front door. I let out a deep sigh and force myself to greet him.

I shut the door behind me, and cross my arms as I step onto the porch. Chris smiles weakly, and takes note in the fact that I'm not ready to jump up and down in excitement, "Hey."

"Hey. Rory's inside, so we should just stay out here."

"Yeah, okay. That's fine."

"I understand that you're anxious to get down on your knees and beg for my forgiveness, but I want you to know that I don't appreciate what you did last night."

"What? What did I do?"

"Chris..."

"I don't know what you're talking abou-"

"I'm talking about you leaving a message longer than the Webster's Dictionary on my answering machine. With Luke in the room! You know perfectly well that I'm in a relationship with him and you take complete advantage over fact tha-"

"Whoa - Wait a minute. I didn't know you were with Luke."

"How can you say that? I told you when you _ambushed _me at my mother's house!"

"I would hardly call that an ambush, and all you did was mention his name. You didn't say anything about a relationship."

"Well, it was implied."

"What, I'm supposed to be able to read minds now? Expectations are getting higher and higher each day..."

"You're unbelievable. You really are. I have no obligation to talk to you, to see you, to answer your phone calls, if I want you out of my life than that's my prerogative!"

"You really mean that? You _really_ want me out of your life? Because I don't believe that for a second."

"Well it's a good thing I don't care about what you beli-"

"You're saying that after all we've been through you just want to slam a door in my face? No, that's your pride talking. I know it is. I know you better than anybody, and I know that all this hell you're putting me through, making me wait _months_ for a simple _phone call_, is out of spite."

"That's not true!"

"It _is_ true!"

"You can't just plant this fake baggage on me-"

"It's not fake! It's real! Why are you fighting this?"

"Chris, I didn't _dump_ you, I didn't leave _you_ - this is your fault!"

"I had - no - choice!"

"What? You think it's better to lead Sherry on and then leave, rather than just never begin anything with her?"

"Yeah, I get that now. I should've stayed with you and Rory, I _know_ that. Why can't you just forgive me, and let us move on?!"

"You're too late, Chris! I'm with Luke! I'm happy with _Luke_!"

"He was a rebound, just admit it already!"

"He's not a rebound!"

"Lor, you want to be with me-"

"Chris..."

"I _know_ you do."

"Stop."

"You want to marry me, you want to be a family, we've wanted it for years!"

"Stop!"

I notice every muscle in his body weaken as he looks straight into my eyes. My eyebrows furrow as I struggle to ease my breath and stop myself from slapping him in the face.

"I _don't_ want to be with you, Chris."

His jaw tightens as he forces the tears to not emerge, but before long, they begin to brim his eyes. I can't stand seeing him this vulnerable. I try my best to steady my voice, "I can't - I can't do this, Chris. I'm sorry."

And then I go back inside, leaving him without another word.

I lean my back against the door, and then turn the lock, sliding all the way to the floor as the tears freely stream down my face. I repeat to myself over and over again that Luke is the man I want to be with, but I'm not the least convincing.

* * *

TBC

At this point, I know that apologizing for not updating this story is pretty lame. All I can say is, I was experiencing the absolute _worst_ writer's block. But I somehow forced myself to sit at my computer and write. I've spent the last four hours finishing this chapter and I would really like to know what you think. So, please leave a review. I know that every Java Junkie pretty much hates Chris, so I'm interested to see what you guys think.

Keep in mind though, I am a die-hard LL fan, so this story will end happy. I'm just trying to create an interesting storyline.

Also, I'm in between like - four or two or three - I'm in the middle of a _million_ stories right now so please just try to be patient with me. Thank youuuu


	8. Rebound, No Way

Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There 

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

_I lean my back against the door, and then turn the lock, sliding all the way to the floor as the tears freely stream down my face. I repeat to myself over and over again that Luke is the man I want to be with, but I'm not the least convincing._

I don't know how he does it, but Christopher always manages to stick this idea in my head that I _want _to be with him. And I try to fight the idea, but being with him seems so right. Excluding the fact that he is Rory's father, I think of all that we've been through - and I think of how chaotic my life would be if anything ever happened to him. I don't need him, I don't _have to_ be with him, but there are times where I _do _- I do _want_ to be with him.

Three months ago I was sitting at Luke's diner counter, distraught over the fact that Chris was leaving. What happened? How did I get here? How did I get to this point? Everything seemed so right and real at the time - but my choices and my feelings become hazier as the days pass and I lose confidence in the fact that what I'm doing _really is _right.

How do I know what's right?

I lift my head at the feel of her delicate presence wavering in front of me. Rory stands before me with tears in her eyes, and a troubled expression on her face. She takes a seat next to me on the floor, and rests her head on my shoulder, lightly gripping my arm. The feel of her small frame clinging to me brings the slightest bit of comfort.

But, still, my voice cracks as I choke the words, "He's not a rebound, Rory. He's not. I wouldn't do that to him."

"I know, Mom. I know, don't listen to Dad - he's just upset, he loves you."

"Why? Why can't he just move on? I can't deal with this. I feel so guilty-"

"Well, don't. He bailed on you, remember?"

I sigh and lean my head back against the door. I try to force away the tears, "How much did you hear?"

She responds with the slightest hesitation, "Everything."

I gently seal my eyes shut as I try to seek for any good that can come from what just happened. I then open my eyes as Rory speaks again, "Nothing I haven't heard in the last seventeen years."

I sigh and admit, "We sound like broken records, I know - It's the same argument every time he's back."

"Maybe, it's a sign."

My forehead wrinkles as I turn to look at her, "A sign?"

"To stop fighting it."

"Ror-"

"I'm past the whole I-want-mom-and-dad-to-be-together stage, that's not the problem, this isn't about me anymore. It's about you and what _you _want." there is a long silence as we both sit in our thoughts, and then Rory continues, "Mom - at this point, I don't think it's that crazy to say that you want both of them. Luke... _and _Dad."

I stare blankly ahead of me as I take this in - My daughter is able to see right through me.

I didn't think I was in love with Christopher, but as he stood on the porch yelling about rebounds and second chances, the possibility was beginning to sink in. Maybe Luke _was_ a rebound. Maybe I jumped too fast, maybe, maybe I love Christopher.

But he isn't dependable, Lorelai.

He isn't _there_, Lorelai, calling you and saving you, for as long as you both shall live. Only Luke can do that. He has always been there. Ready to drop anything and fix the impossible. You're always willing to do the same for him. For Luke.

"Mom, it's normal to still love Dad. I mean - you had a _baby_ together. You guys were young, it was the two of you against the world - but that doesn't mean you're meant to be together. Forever, at least."

"I _know_ that."

I hear a sigh come from deep within Rory, "If only everything could be solved by a pro/con list."

"Yeah, if only."

_several hours later.._

It's amazing how much a person can know you. I mean _really_ know you. I convince myself that I'm able to disguise all the hurt that's bringing me down, but Luke is still able to see that something is wrong.

Like every other Friday night, Luke is over our house, but he will leave just before Rory and I head to Hartford. He looks at me differently tonight - with concern, with sympathy. He asks me if something is wrong, but I shake my head. He takes a second glance, but I pretend not to notice.

I don't know if he's trying to make me feel better, if he's just trying to make me smile - but I fall in love with him all over again when he adorably says the words, "Frascal Fratts?"

Rory and I double over in laughter at his inability to name any country-singing band that ever existed.

He throws his arms in the air, "What? Oh, come on, I was close. Right?"

I shake my head and sigh, as I catch my breath, "Luke, you poor deprived man!"

"So, I don't know country music. So what?"

"Hon, you don't know _any_ music."

He speaks defensively, "That's not true."

I get up off the couch and walk over to our shelf that has CDs placed in an un-orderly fashion. I take a quick glance at them, and then turn back to Luke, "Let me share with you, the privileged life of us Gilmore girls."

He rolls his eyes as I begin, "We have shot a man in Reno just to watch him die."

Rory nods her head, "It's true."

"We have driven on the highway to hell... many a time."

"Every Friday night."

"Mhm."

"_This _Friday night."

I nod, "That's right. We've been to Funkytown. We've walked the streets of Japan until we got lost."

"It's true. It's _all_ true." Rory agrees

I stop in front of Luke, who is sitting on the couch, "We have even driven in a pink Cadillac."

Rory snaps her fingers, "Amen."

He shakes his head as I take a seat on his lap, "You're crazy, the both of you."

Rory agrees, "Oh, there's no denying it. Reality has no place in our world."

I smile and link my arms loosely around his neck, "It's okay, Baby, we don't care that you're musically challenged."

He then sighs and says, "Make fun of me all you want, but I'm not the one who's gonna get grilled for being late for dinner."

Rory's eyes widen just as sudden as mine as we leap off the couch and gather our things, "She's gonna kill us!"

"Worse! She's gonna make us stay later for every minute we miss!"

"Gah! Go, Rory, go!"

* * *

TBC

flirtswithdisaster: My first reviewer, just as I predicted LOL. Yes, I have missed you reviewing my stories. It's so weird to be back on fanfiction. I've been so preoccupied - it's been months since I've actually sat down and read a story off of this website. There are so many new authors, I feel really far behind, but hopefully I'll get back on track soon. Thanks for your review, they're always appreciated :)

softballgurl09: Nope, haven't forgotten about it, just been avoiding it. Which is probably something I shouldn't admit to, but that's okay LOL. Don't worry, this is a definite LL happy ending. I'm just experimenting - Yeah, in all honesty, I have no clue where I'm taking this story but I'll figure it out soon haha. Thanks for the review!

ggandothlover _and_ Steph89: Thanks for reviewing :)


	9. It's Not Forever

Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There

A/N: A few lines are taken from episode 5.13 - Wedding Bell Blues / But the story takes place in S3

* * *

_From Justin to Kelly_, really long commercial breaks, the sound of an alarm clock, being slapped in the face, the body odor coming from the person standing next to you, brussel sprouts, 'yo mama' jokes: none of these disgustingly annoying things can be compared to a Friday night dinner at my parent's house. Not even a 'yo mama' joke. 

I grip the steering wheel of the jeep with both hands, afraid of losing control if I don't. I try to shake away the memories of tonight's dinner with my parents, but the more I try to forget, the more they flood back to me. These memories block my concentration, and it's no help that the cars speed past with their headlights blurring my vision. I turn my head and notice that Rory is sleeping, which comforts me in a way. At least she's not wide awake, thinking the same as me. At least she wasn't too affected by what my mother said.

My mother's voice replays in my mind. Every word, every syllable, is like a pounding to my head. It mocks me, warns me, points out my every mistake. "Lorelai, this isn't something you should waste your time thinking about. _You already know_ the answer. You've waited so long for him to be ready, and now he _is _ready, and he's willing, and he's there - you can't just let him slip away."

I can't let her get to me. I can't let her opinions alter my own. "Mom, I don't want to be with Chris, there's nothing left for us." I could have said it was just bad timing. I could have said things were crazy at the inn. I could have said I was busy helping Rory apply to college, I could have said anything. But instead I remained silent. And my mother glared at me, and she shot her eyes through mine, and she asked, "What is his name?"

"What? Who's name?"

"The name of the man you are dating."

"Mom, what are you-"

"Lorelai, tell me his name."

I could have said the name of any man, from any state, from any country. But instead, I said his name was Luke. There was no denying that my mother was instantly furious, but she tried her best to keep composure. She would sneak in her subtle comments, but I pretended they didn't bother me. They really didn't, not very much. It was Christopher's name coming out of her mouth repeatedly, that made me think. "Eventually, he won't be there, Lorelai. Eventually, Christopher is going to give up, he'll move on. And when that day comes, you are going to regret ever letting him go."

_And when that day comes, you are going to regret ever letting him go._

The drive home seems to be going by just as fast as dinner, and I fear making it all the way to Star's Hollow. I now know what I have to do, and I'm dreading it. I hope to do it in disguise. I repeat the steps in my head, giving myself no time to rethink, and no time to change my mind.

I try and force myself to believe that I am with Luke for all the right reasons, but then I remember that night, and I remember what was going through my mind minutes before I entered the diner, and seconds before he sat beside me. _Chris is leaving me._

* * *

My chest rises and falls noticeably as I take each nervous step towards the diner. It's dark, I notice, but I know he must be in there. And just as the bells ring above the door, his face appears through the kitchen entryway. He smiles and walks towards me with that familiar presence that always manages to capture my ability to think, my ability to form sentences. 

He settles his arm at my waist and leans in for a quick hug, "Hey, how was dinner with your parents?". I feel awful that he's smiling at me, that he's happy to see me. I look down and struggle to find the words as I take a few steps back from him, "Uhm, it was okay."

He looks at me suspiciously, "Okaay..." he glances at the clock and then turns back to me, "Everything alright?"

"Uhm, yeah, everything's fine." I then shake my head slightly, and close my eyes for a few moments out of frustration. I open them and stutter the words, "Uhm, Luke, everything's not fine. I actually have to talk to you about something."

He continues to look at me uncertainly, and hesitates before motioning towards the counter, "Well, do you want to sit down?"

"No, I can't stay long." He nods and waits for me to say something, probably wondering what the hell is wrong with me. "Lorelai, what's goin-" I interrupt him, the words immediately tumbling out of my mouth, "I think we need a break."

He steps back a bit, and his eyebrows raise, "A - A break? Wha-"

I keep my distance as I continue, "I've been thinking - and I think it's best if we just have some time apart." I'm afraid to look up at him, I make sure to keep away from eye any contact. But I don't need to see his expression, my heart breaks when I hear the pain and confusion in his voice, "Is there a reason why? Did I do someth-"

"No, I just - things are moving a little fast for me, and I need to take some time for myself."

His forehead wrinkles, "Lorelai, what's going on? Four hours ago, things were fine between us, and now you're standing here acting like a completely different person." I don't say anything, which causes him to walk closer towards me, "What did they say to you? What did _he_ say to you?"

"Wha-"

"This is your parents talking, I know it is."

I raise my voice as I look up at him, "No, Luke, this is _me_ talking."

"Lorelai, you can't just-"

"I said I need a break!" The words come out louder than I intended, and more harsh. He narrows his eyes as he shakes his head, and scoffs. He looks back up at me, "Yeah, so do I." and then he disappears behind the curtain.

* * *

_the next morning_

I can hardly keep my eyes open as I drag my body from the bedroom to the kitchen. I didn't really sleep last night, maybe for an hour or two. But as I sat up in my bed, questioning my very existence, I didn't cry - not once. Not for Luke, not for myself. Because I know that it's not really over yet. Luke wouldn't allow that, not without an explanation. Which is why I have to spend the rest of the day in fear, in fear of running into him. I'll take special care in avoiding Luke, because I can't explain anything to him, the explanation would kill him.

My mother got to me. My mother got to me? No, not just her. Everyone did - including myself. It's not fair to be with him because I just needed somebody. It's not fair to him, and it's not fair to Chris. If he never left me for Sherry, we would be together. I know it.

I peek in Rory's room and notice that she isn't there, I assume she is at Lane's. I sigh, grab my purse, and decide to go for a drive. I'm shocked into stillness when I open the front door and see Luke's truck in my driveway, and then I see him climbing out of it. I walk down the steps and make my way to the jeep, maybe if I don't see him, he won't see me. He meets me just before I reach for the handle of the door, "Hey."

I stop in front of him and cross my hands over my chest, "Hi."

He shoves his hands deep in his jean pockets, and rolls on the back of his heels. He looks up at me, but doesn't say anything. He realizes I too, don't plan on saying anything, and he sighs as he softens his voice, "We really need to talk, Lorelai". I remain silent, and advert my eyes to the grass. He grows agitated and shakes his head, "What? You're gonna ignore me, now?"

"You're going to have to move your truck 'cause your blocking me."

He looks at his truck and then turns back to face me, "I'm not going anywhere until we talk about this."

"Luke, there's nothing to talk about."

He throws his arms in the air, "What do you mean there's noth-?"

"I meant what I said last night--" I stop mid-sentence when I hear the sound of a motorcycle. I seal my eyes shut as I thank the elements of the universe for once again coming together to screw my life up. I open my eyes and realize that Luke has turned his head to face the direction of the sound, and within seconds, Chris appears around the corner.

He parks his motorcycle and hops off, shining a big grin, "Hey, Lor!" I stare at him in shock as he places his helmet down and walks over to us, "Chri- Wha- What are you doing here?".

He makes his way up the lawn, "Just thought I'd stop by." and when he reaches us, he pats Luke on the arm, "Hey, Buddy, how 'ya doin'?"

Luke's jaw immediately becomes tense, "Fine -- Buddy."

"That's good to hear." he nods his head in pleasure and then continues, "Lor, I was gonna take you out for lunch. You up for it?"

Luke doesn't give me time to speak, "No, she was just on her way out."

Chris looks at him, "I think she can answer for herself."

Luke opens his mouth to speak but I interrupt him, "I _am_ on my way out, sorry, Chris, maybe another time?"

He's silent for a moment, and then he turns to Luke, "You think we could talk in private for a minute?"

Luke hesitates before nodding his head, less than thrilled, "Yeah, sure." He makes his way over to his truck, and leans against the door. I notice him shake his head and smile, and I know what he's thinking; _what an idiot_. Chris walks closer towards me and speaks in a low voice, "Come on, Lor, let's get out of here."

I speak just as softly, "No, Chris, really, I can't."

"Lor, Emily told me about the breakup." I immediately raise my head to face him and stare angrily into his eyes, but he continues, "C'mon, let's stop wasting time." I shake my head in disgust, unable to grasp the thought that my mother told Chris. She was so sure that I was going to listen to her. And, now, I change my mind, out of spite. Or at least, I pretend to, "We didn't break up."

"You didn't?"

"No, not officially. I don't plan on it either."

He shakes his head and leans in closer, his voice raising, "Look, I blew it, okay? I know I blew it. You waited, and I didn't come through, and now you're with him. But it's not too late!" I look out of the corner of my eye, and notice that Luke is staring in our direction. I can't tell whether he can hear what Chris is saying or not. "Chris, just, stop." I try to walk away from him, but he blocks me, and continues, "It's not too late. Emily told me it wasn't too late!"

Luke now glares in my direction as Chris' volume heightens, "I mean, that's why I'm here, okay? I know you're with him. But it's for now, it's not forever. It's just for now. I know that!"

I look at Luke, my eyes pleading for him to understand that this is a lie, even though I was thinking the same last night. "Luke, I don't know what he's talking about!"

"Lor, we belong together. Everyone knows it! I know it, Emily knows it!"

Luke opens the door of his truck and mutters under his breath, "I gotta get out of here." I push past Chris' barrier and call after him, "Luke, wait!" But he climbs into his truck and turns on the ignition. I make my way to his open window, but he won't look at me, "Luke, he doesn't know what he's talking about."

He looks straight ahead of him, "Yeah..." and then I quickly back away from his truck as he drives away.

I stare in the direction of his departure, even though his truck is now out of sight. I shudder at the feel of Chris' hand on my shoulder, and the sound of his voice in my ear, "Just let him go, Lor." I whip around and bring my face to his in fury, "Get out of here, Chris. I mean it, get the hell away from me." Luke wasn't supposed to know.

* * *

TBC 

I know I'm going to get mixed-reviews for this chapter. It's okay, just tell me what you think. Thanks!

minor-thing _and_ Steph89: I'm glad you guys realize that (in this story) Luke was a rebound for Lorelai. A lot of people are sick of the same old Luke-Lorelai-Chris triangle, but I'm trying to make a point out of this storyline. Basically, Chris and Lorelai jumped into a marriage in S7 that couldn't be saved, but when Luke and Lorelai jump into a relationship (in my 'LL all the way' fanfic) they make it through. Thanks for your reviews guys! Always appreciated :)


	10. Under Pressure

Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There

Disclaimer: I still do not own the show or the characters or_ anything_.

* * *

_later in the evening_

It's eight o'clock at night, and although sleeping seems like a reasonably sane thing to do, it's just not an option. I can't help but think of what happened earlier today, it's the only thing on my mind. _They're _the only people on my mind, Luke and Chris. After skimming through the same magazine three times, I set it down and sigh as I lean back on the couch. I then slightly jump at the sound of the phone ringing, and I'm hesitant to answer it, "Hello?"

"Mom, it's me."

I immediately sit up, afraid of anything she might say, "Hey, Hon, are you all alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

I question the silence that follows after her statement, and cautiously ask, "What's up?"

"Nothing, I'm at Lane's, just hanging."

"Okay... thanks for the update." she remains silent and I suddenly feel my stomach becoming uneasy, "Rory-"

"Mom, Dad's been at the bar all afternoon - all night long."

I slowly nod my head, "Oh."

"I saw his motorcycle out there earlier, and Lane and I just walked by ten minutes ago-"

"You want me to go get him." I conclude.

"Well, I don't know-"

"Rory, I'm really not up for it. He probably has plans to stay at the inn anyway..."

"Yeah..."

"I mean, if you _really _want me to-"

"No, no you're probably right."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I don't want you to be in that situation anyway. Having him at the house..."

I sigh and take a few moments to take this in, before I ask, "What if he tries to get home?"

"I know, I'm worried about that..."

I then turn my head when I hear a motorcyle nearing the house, "Well, isn't that ironic?"

Rory asks, "What?"

I walk towards the window and peek through the curtain, "I think I have a visitor."

Rory's voice becomes concerned, "Seriously? Do you want me to come home?"

"No, that would probably make it worse."

"Just book him a room at the inn."

"Yeah, good thinking." I watch him as he stumbles across the lawn, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Hon."

"Alright, call me if you need anything."

"I'm sure I'll be fine."

"Okay... bye."

"Bye."

Before I know it, there is a loud knock at the door, and a sudden wish that I had joined Rory and Lane's slumber party. I walk into the foyer and open the door, my expression making it clear that I am unimpressed to see Christopher standing there.

He looks different -- I can't help but stare at the dark circles around his eyes, and the out-of-body-expression on his face. Without saying a word, he walks into the house and leans in to kiss me. I turn my head just in time, disgusted by his ignorance, and the smell of alcohol on his breath.

He steps back and looks at me, confused, "What's the matter, Lor?" He leans in again and this time I press my hands against his chest and push him away, "Chris, stop, you're drunk." He lets out a loud chuckle, "I'm not - I'm not _drunk_. I had a beer. _Beers_. More than one."

"Well, that's obvious." I walk around him and shut the door, keeping a good distance between us as I turn back to face him, "Congratulations, you can pretty much guarantee a nice big spot on the front page of the _Stars Hollow News_. They have nothing better to write about..."

"What are you talking about?"

"Staying at a bar all day long, what were you thinking?"

"Psh, who's gonna know about that?"

"Well, your daughter, for starters."

His eyes widen, "Oh, is Rory here?" He begins to call after, "Ror?! Ror, where are you?!"

"She's not here, Chris!"

"Oh... well at least the pressure is off..."

"What... _pressure_? The pressure from what?"

"I have to - I have to ask you a _very _important question." I can just barely understand him, and I spend more time making sure he doesn't fall over than listening to what he's saying. It's a wonder how he drove here and made it all in one piece.

I look up at him sternly, not afraid to hide the annoyance in my voice, "What's your question?" I then roll my eyes at the sight of him dropping down to one knee, and grasping my hands in his, "Lorelai Gilmore, will you marry me?" I free my hands from his and begin to walk away, "Chris, get up."

He follows me out of the foyer, "Come on, Lor. It's time. I'm ready. I can be a family man."

I whip around to face him, my blood boiling, "A _family man_? Are you serious?! Look at yourself!" He doesn't say anything, just stares blankly at his shoes. I sigh and shake my head, "I'll book you a room at the inn. I'll drive you over there." I'm walking towards the phone when I feel his presence dash behind me, "No, I don't want you to drive me to the inn."

"What? You think _you_ can drive? Chris, you can't even stand up straight!"

He leans in and chuckles, "Well, you don't drive standing up -- C'mon, Lor, I came here to see you."

"Well, I don't want to see you. Especially when you're like this!"

"I'm asking you to marry me!"

"You're drunk!" I reach for the phone. I'm about to dial the number when Chris grabs it from my hand. I angrily turn to face him, "What are you doing?!"

"I'm not leaving this house until you agree to marry me."

I cross my arms over my chest, "Oh, is that right?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Well, sorry to break it to you, Hon, but this is _my _house and I'm telling you that you're leaving. Now give me the damn phone!" I put my hand out, waiting for him to give it to me, but instead, he tosses it behind him and walks towards me, "No."

"Oh, real mature, Chris." I shake my head in annoyance and try to make my way around him, but he makes it impossible as he repeatedly dashes in front of me. I finally lose patience and back away from him, "God! Just get out of here, Chris! _Get out_!"

_- Babette's Point of View -_

I'm carryin' a bag 'o garbage down the porch steps, headin' towards the trash cans. Normally, Morrie takes care 'o the trash, but he can't on the count of his back's been killin' him lately. Anyway, I'm crossin' the yard when all of a sudden, I hear Lorelai screamin' at Christopher! I dunno how she could scream at such a handsome face, but I make an effort to hurry up 'n empty the trash so I can go spread the news to Patty!

When I make it 'ta _Luke's_, I realize he's not in such a good mood. When he overhears me tellin' the news to Patty, he doesn't say a thing! "Lucas, dontcha care that Christopher's botherin' 'ya woman?"

He rolls his eyes and emphasizes, "She's _not_ my woman."

"Whatddaya mean she's not 'ya woman?"

I take notice that he's wipin' the counter harder than usual, "We're taking a break."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I don't know -- ask her."

"Look, I don't know what's goin' on between the two 'o 'ya, but she sounded really upset, it kinda made me nervous. Just go check on her, will 'ya?"

With another roll 'o his eyes, Luke sighs and throws down his rag, "I'll be right back."

TBC

* * *

**Author's Note:** You don't have to read this. It's just me venting.. For those of you not interested in reading it, just know that I'll be posting the next chapter as soon as possible, and I would appreciate your review for this chapter.

I know that I'm probably driving you guys crazy since it seems to be taking me _weeks _to update my stories. There's a lot going on in my personal life etc. etc., but the true reason is because I'm really upset with what's currently going on in the show. It's hard for me to write about the characters, all I can do is roll my eyes when I think about the past few episodes of S7.

I'll be the first to tell you that it's time for _Gilmore Girls _to come to an end. I'm still saddened by the news of this being the last season, but I feel it's right. I absolutely love the show, but the last thing I want is for it to end up like _7th Heaven _(lasting for eleven seasons and getting worse each year).

**Spoiler_ish_:**

The show needs to end, I understand that, but I hate _how _they're ending it.

Last week's episode for example; I think it's horrible that Logan and Rory parted the way they did. The show is not coming back next year, and the writer's ended Logan and Rory's relationship with him walking away angrily. Just like Rory said, now when she thinks about graduating from college, she'll automatically think about rejecting Logan's marriage proposal. I wasn't 'all for' an engagement either, but they could have at least tried, like she offered. I didn't like the 'all or nothing' aspect of it, I thought it was very out-of-character for Logan.

Now, I know that the writers are probably expecting the Luke and Lorelai fans to be 'jumping up and down' over the preview for next week, but I'm not that excited. I _obviously_ want Luke and Lorelai to be together, but it should have happened a lot earlier in the season. I'm not satisfied with a 'kiss' after having to watch Chris prance around for the first half of the season. Not happy. We were deprived of any LL time, and now we're never going to see them again. No chemistry, no nothing. The only _real_ nice thing we got to see this season was Luke and Lorelai shopping for cars together, it reminded me of the better times of the show.

I'm just really uneasy. It's going to be weird not sitting down every Tuesday night at 8pm to watch the show. Especially since I wasn't really enjoying it the past two seasons. I guess I should be relieved that all of the conflicts seem to be resolved, but it's still sad the show had to end this way.

Hah, glad that's off my chest. I know this isn't really the place to post my thoughts, but I like giving my reasons for delivering chapters that aren't my best work.

Thanks for reading this far.

* * *

Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I'll try to update more regularly. I'm almost done with the next chapter, I'll post it soon. I'm shooting for about.. two hours. (Trying to make up for all the time I've made you wait) LOL 


	11. Coming to Terms

Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There

Disclaimer: I still do not own the show or the characters or_ anything_.

* * *

- Luke's point of view - 

It doesn't make any sense to me; why we ever got together, why we aren't together now, why I'm on my way to her house. I feel like I just follow along, letting people say what they will, do what they will. I don't need answers, I don't need explanations, I just need to please everyone. I hate that I live my life this way, but it's the only way I know how to live. I've been like this ever since my mom got sick.

I can't ignore the nauseous feeling in my stomach. It doesn't matter that the sound of her name makes me angry as hell, the thought of her being in trouble instantly turns my viewpoint into 'hero mode'. It doesn't matter that she bails on me, I'll always love her. I've been like this ever since she walked into the diner, and that was six years ago.

I pull into her driveway, using every ounce of my will-power to not ram into his motorcycle. I make my way across the front lawn, and as I reach the porch steps, I can hear her screaming, but can't make out her words. I reject the idea of knocking on the door, and just open it. I step inside and strain my eyes in the darkness. The only thing providing light in the room is the small lamp in the corner. I then turn my head in the direction of the kitchen when I hear her voice, "You're pathetic! Every thing you do, every decision you make-"

I walk through the entryway of the kitchen and grab Christopher's shirt in fist fulls at the reaction of his hand slapping her across the face. I push him hard against the wall, knocking a chair over in the process, and immediately noticing his drunken state.

"Stop! Luke, let him go!" I ignore her protests as Chris tries to free from my grasp. The kitchen lights immediately turn on, and the first thing I see is Lorelai's pleading face. Her voice is shaking, "He didn't mean to hit me, just let him go."

I hesitate before loosening my grip and stepping away from him, my jaw becoming tense as he smirks and straightens out his shirt. It doesn't go unnoticed that he avoids looking me in the eyes, "Get outta here man, this is between me and Lorelai."

I can't control the anger in my voice, "There's not a chance in hell that I'm leaving,_ Buddy_!" I turn my head to face Lorelai when I hear her shaky breath. She's wiping the tears from her eyes and standing there, exposed and defenseless. She lifts her head and looks up at me, her vulnerability hits me hard, and I finally come to terms with the true meaning of that night.

She then turns to Chris, "There's a room at the inn. Take it or leave it, either way you're leaving this house."

He shakes his head and scoffs before pushing past her and heading towards the front door. She turns around to face him, but doesn't follow. I notice her body slightly jump at the sound of the door slamming shut, before she turns back around. She looks up at me, and I speak the first words that come to mind, "Are you okay?"

She sniffles and nods her head, "Yeah, I'm fine. I've never actually been slapped in the face before, but I imagined it would feel something like this." She manages to pretend to be fine for three more seconds, and then she falls apart, and the tears emerge from her eyes. Her shoulders shudder as she sobs softly, and I take no hesitation in embracing her.

I pull her tightly against me, and feel her tears seeping through my flannel. I rest my chin on her head and try and reassure her that everything will be okay. I know these words mean nothing to her, I know things are far from being okay, but I don't know what else to say. My eyes widen at her muffled words, "I'm so sorry, Luke. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay."

She pulls away from me and shakes her head as she stares at the ground, "No, it's not."

I watch her as she turns on her heels and makes her way to the livingroom. She takes a seat on the couch, and continues to slowly shake her head. The room is still dark, and the moonlight shining through the windows make the tears on her cheeks glisten. I take a seat beside her and admit, "You still wanted to be with him -- that night. You felt like you had to start this with me... you didn't have to."

She avoids my eyes as she stares around the room, "I wanted to Luke, I _did_. I know it's hard for you to believe me, but I love being with you. I love being your partner, I love being your girlfriend, I just - I have my doubts sometimes." There are a few moments of silence as she gathers her thoughts, "I jumped... that night. I was unsure... but that feeling passed as we started a relationship. You have to understand, it wasn't until he called that I started rethinking-"

"Because you still love him."

She shrugs her shoulders, "There are feelings there -- for him. But I can fix that. I _can_ with _time_." I remain silent as I listen to her, "He's always been this possibility, a place to settle, a person to fall back on. I can't explain it - we were so young-"

"Lorelai, I know, I get it."

She lifts her head to look up at me as a new wave of tears emerge, "I know that you feel like I played you -- but I _didn't_. All these feelings I have -- they're real, Luke. I love you."

I pull her closer as I wrap an arm around her, and gently kiss her forehead, "I love you, too." I feel her body loosen as her breath steadies, and she becomes more relaxed. "You know, I'll never let him touch you again, Lorelai."

She whispers back, "I know."

"I'll never let anybody hurt you."

"Ditto."

* * *

TBC 

ggandothlover: Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it. I'm trying my best to make the writing realistic, mostly the dialogue. It's tough though, because Lorelai has never really been in a situation like this on the show, it's hard to write without having anything to use as a guide line.

lemon-scented candles: I know! It's almost creepy! Like some scary town that takes over a girls' life! I mean, are there no other graduates from an ivy league school? Are there no other graduates in general?! It hasn't _really_ hit me until now, but it seems like in all seven seasons the town has been abnormally connected to Lorelai and Rory. It's one thing if Babette and Patty and Kirk etc., want to be there, but the preview for next week showed the whole freakin town! LOL, it really is weird.

Sarah: Thanks for the review, and in truth, I was boycotting the show too. I feel like I missed so much because I hardly watched any of the episodes, I probably watched about six. It got to the point where I would look at the clock on a Tuesday night and be like, "Oh, wow, I missed _Gilmore girls_." I mean, I used to be anticipating new episodes all day long - all week long, and now it doesn't even phase me. I'll definitely be watching the season finale, but odds are I won't like it very much.

GGLOVER91, softballgurl109, xgilmoregirlx, _and _Afw: Thanks for reviewing!


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